Monday, December 19, 2022

The Wall



  Last night we went Christmas caroling with the church.  Well not all of we.  Yvette didn't go.  She couldn't get in and out of the car fast enough for caroling. So she stayed at the church and was going to wrap a couple of presents for Dirty Santa 🎅. 
   I didn't really feel like caroling. Physically, anyway.   I was hurting from doing a little work on the farm Friday. And doing my cleaning Saturday. My back/leg/hip whatever was hurting when we were ringing the bells during church. So really,  I just wasn't feeling it. 
   But I wanted to go, kinda.  Gabe was going. Zara was going.  Brayden was going.  J was with Zara so he was going.  But really,  Yvette wasn't going, and the whole thing with her knee/spacer/ everything has me mentally kinda down. 
   I was thinking about some past times Christmas caroling. One year,  I think we got everybody in 2 cars, and no one was crowded. Maybe I started thinking about all the people that we used to sing with,  who became the people we sang TO.  Now they're not here for us to sing to anymore.  
    But like I said, physically,  I just wasn't feeling it from the start.  And then we had to walk a mile to sing at the 3rd house (I think). Okay,  maybe not a mile,  but further than my body felt like walking even with a cane. Now I'm REALLY not feeling like it physically. 😕 Then we sing 3 songs.  2 'church' Christmas songs then Jingle Bells. Then close with we wish you a Merry Christmas. Walking back to the car,  I can feel my knee starting to grind. 
   We get to the next house and someone suggested that I park closer than what I started to.  I made it through singing there,  drive down to the next house.  Everybody else walked.  But they didn't come to the door. 
   Then we sang to a random stranger who may just have been outside to smoke a cigarette.  So that helped me feel like the pain might have been worth it. We drive a little to get to the next house,  but they weren't home.  
   We got to what I thought was the last house and sang there.  I sat down to sing there. We head back to the church and oh yeah, one more house.  
   I started to not even stop. But I drove up the drive, get out of the car and luckily they had a covered patio,  so I could lean on one of the posts.  We sang the first song 🎵, annnnnddd the person stops us. Tells us how much they appreciate us,  our church,  our prayers.  How glad they are that we came caroling to their house.  
   Okay,  that was kinda like getting hit in the head with a brick.  Reminding me why we go caroling.  
And after we made it back to church and started having our snacks and desserts and opening presents.  Bam.
   .

   That's when I hit the wall.  Physically.  Mentally.  Emotionally.  My body was still hurting.  I was still thinking about my wife's procedure scheduled for Monday.  And now I feel like an emotional wreck because I was letting that get in the way of what we had been doing.  It's not for us,  it's for them. 
   And my body decided to shut down. Go to sleep.  Played Dirty Santa, don't have a clue what I wound up with.  
   My son drove us home and I slept most of the way.  Got home,  started my wife's medicine and went to bed.  Didn't sleep well,  but woke up at 7 refreshed enough to drive to Memphis for my wife's procedure. That didn't turn out exactly how we hoped, but that's a different post. 

  
    

  

   





   9